Pop culture likes to romanticize steamy, flawed connections to the point where passionate yet toxic dynamics have come to seem normal to impressionable audiences (see: Babygirl or Fifty Shades of Grey). This kind of desensitization can bleed over into real life, making it harder to realize when a relationship has gone sour. Luckily, we all have something in our corner capable of signaling when it’s truly time to move on—if only we knew how to listen.
You’ve probably questioned some of these signals before with friends over dinner, or maybe you saw them in a viral January 2025 Thread asking the question: “Girlies, how did you know your body was rejecting your ex?” About 2,000 people flocked to the comments section to share a range of physical and mental health symptoms they experienced in problematic relationships, including nausea, yeast infections, chronic UTIs, bacterial vaginosis, weight fluctuations, pain during sex, depression, anxiety, and more. Of course, all these issues could be attributed to more than just bad relationships, but let’s be clear: This is also 100 percent a real thing your body does.
“Toxic relationships can lead to toxic bodies,” says psychologist Candice Nicole Hargons, PhD, an associate professor at Emory University’s Rollins School of Public Health. Your body is constantly responding to your environment, including your relationships, adds licensed marriage and family therapist Cheryl Groskopf. “When you’re in one that feels unsafe, inconsistent, or emotionally draining, your nervous system reacts.”
This is exactly what happened to Stephanie* when she experienced her first migraine nearly one year into dating her former boyfriend. The headaches were nonstop and resistant to every remedy she tried, from prescription painkillers and Botox to holistic relations approaches like acupuncture, reflexology, and deep-tissue massages. “I met with every specialist under the moon,” she says. Clarity finally came during therapy, a safe space where she would regularly vent about her boyfriend. “I was in agony and my therapist wondered if my body was rebelling against him,” she remembers. Once Stephanie became single, her migraines let up.
The tricky thing is that doctors can brush off these symptoms or attribute them to something else—almost anything, really—because such physical and emotional signs could be explained by many other conditions, says Groskopf. A lot of times, physicians chalk them up to “just stress,” and while they’re not wrong, the source of that stress is important, too. “When a relationship triggers nonstop stress, your nervous system is always overactivated,” says Groskopf. “Your body perceives the relationship as a threat, even if you don’t consciously think of it that way. If symptoms improve when you’re alone, around supportive people, or after time away from your partner, that’s a strong indicator that your relationship is the cause.”
The problems in your relationship don’t have to be extreme or abusive for this to be the case. Stephanie says her relationship “sucked” but not in the way people typically think. “He wasn’t showing up for me emotionally and we just didn’t gel. The headaches were how my body was letting me know he wasn’t as good as it gets.”
Six months after separating from her now-ex-husband, Allison* says she finally “looked like me again.” While married, she dealt with a lot of abandonment, emotional stonewalling, and cold-shouldering that stemmed from her ex’s gambling problem. “My unhappiness literally showed on my face,” she says. She was constantly puffy and acne-prone, and her skin was irritated. She hadn’t gained weight, changed anything in her diet, or started a new medication—there was no explanation for it...until the marriage was over.
Experiencing symptoms like this doesn’t mean you have to end things immediately, says Groskopf. Sometimes, the symptoms can go away after a couple addresses their concerns. Other times, performing micro-experiments, like taking some space before going through with a full-fledged breakup, may give you better insight as well.
It can be easy to lose yourself in any kind of relationship, but the most important thing you can do first and foremost is get to know and prioritize yourself. Listen to your body—it’s sending you these signals, ultimately, as a way to try to keep you safe. Many experts suggest developing some sort of mindfulness practice, like breathwork or regular therapy, before you’re in a relationship so that you can be more in tune with your body’s “normal.” This can help you identify when someone in your life throws it off. “Check in with your emotions before your body has to scream for your attention,” says Groskopf.
That can be easier said than done, so logging symptoms and feelings in a journal or in your Notes app is a practical and helpful way to track patterns. It will be a good reference for you and your health care providers, too. Paying attention to when symptoms strike is also key intel. You’ll be able to establish your baseline and know what your body does and feels like when it’s neutral, excited, or experiencing negative changes—so you can work toward a goal of overall well-being, including the romantic kind. Says Hargons: “When your relationship is a healthy, happy one, you have better health overall.”
*Name has been changed.
Gabrielle Kassel (she/her) is a sex and wellness journalist who writes at the intersection of queerness, sexual health, and pleasure. In addition to being in Cosmopolitan, her work can also be found in publications such as Shape, Well + Good, Women’s Health, Health, Self, Men’s Health, Greatist, and more! In her free time, Gabrielle can be found reviewing one of the nearly 1,000 pleasure products she's tested, reading smut, or recording episodes of the podcast she cohosts called Bad In Bed. Follow her on Instagram @GabrielleKassel.
