Thanks in no small part to a certain newly engaged global superstar and the endlessly adoring fiancé who appears to worship the ground she walks on, the last few years have been all about the golden retriever boyfriend—the devoted, loyal (if perhaps somewhat dopey) male partner who lives to love you. But more recently, another male archetype has entered the chat: the black cat boyfriend.
“A black cat boyfriend is the mysterious, slightly moody counterpart to a golden retriever boyfriend,” says relationship coach Amie Leadingham. This male version of the black cat girlfriend rose to prominence this past summer, with many fans of The Summer I Turned Pretty hailing Conrad as the king of black cat boyfriend energy.
But while black cat boyfriends may have recently stolen the spotlight, this isn’t the first time BCBFs have captured the public’s attention. From Gilmore Girls bad boy Jess Mariano to Gossip Girl’s Chuck Bass to Heathcliff himself, these darker, brooding love interests have always had their appeal.
At the same time, that sexy air of mystery and aloofness also means that black cat boyfriend energy is often misunderstood and misinterpreted. So whether you’re a day one Team Jess girlie or have just awoken to the charms of the black cat heartthrob, here’s a definitive guide to the black cat boyfriend—from what it really means to be one to whether BCBF energy is something you actually want in your life or are better off lusting over in a fictional character.
What Does It Mean to Be a Black Cat Boyfriend?
“A black cat boyfriend embodies that mysterious, brooding energy we see in characters like Jess Mariano from Gilmore Girls or Conrad from The Summer I Turned Pretty,” says dating expert Michelle Herzog. “Think of the guy who is intensely loyal to his inner circle but keeps most people at arm’s length. He’s often quiet, observant, and has this magnetic pull that makes you want to figure him out.”
The term comes from literal black cats and the aloof, independent nature associated with them—especially compared to attention-loving golden retrievers (and golden retriever boyfriends).
“These partners tend to be independent, sometimes moody, and often have rich inner lives they don't readily share,” Herzog explains, adding that black cat boyfriend types “often have artistic or intellectual interests, prefer smaller social circles, and can seem emotionally unavailable even when they care deeply.”
But while black cat boyfriends may seem cold and standoffish, the reality is that they’re simply, “affectionate on their own terms and selective with their attention,” says Herzog.
“He’s not the guy flooding your phone with love-bomb texts or booking a flashy dinner just to prove something,” adds dating coach Grace Lee, founder of A Good First Date. “His love isn’t loud. It’s quiet, cautious, and deliberate. He moves more slowly than most, but that’s part of what makes his affection meaningful. It isn’t performative or rushed—it comes from a deliberate place.”
Is a Black Cat Boyfriend a Good Thing?
In general, a black cat boyfriend is considered a desirable genre of male lover, one with arguably more sex appeal than a golden retriever boyfriend. “They’re often fiercely loyal, intellectually stimulating, and bring a sense of depth and authenticity to relationships,” says Herzog. “Many are highly creative, independent, and won’t lose themselves in the relationship, which can actually be really healthy.”
But while black cat boyfriends may be having a moment, there’s pros and cons to dating one.
On the one hand, “They’re usually really genuine and won't waste your time with fake charm or performative behavior,” says Leadingham. “When they do open up, it feels special because you know they don’t do that with everyone. And they often have this intriguing depth that keeps things interesting.”
But there are some downsides to the whole black cat mystique. “The ‘mystery’ that seems so alluring can actually be poor communication skills or what therapists call avoidant attachment,” warns Herzog, adding that this “mysterious behavior” that seems so sexy can sometimes just be “a way to avoid real vulnerability or responsibility in the relationship.”
Not to mention, that air of mystery can also make it hard to tell where you stand with a black cat. While their initial standoffishness can be misinterpreted as a lack of interest, the reverse can also happen. “Black cat energy might actually be disinterest,” says Lee. “What seems mysterious might actually be a guy who just isn’t that into you.”
Who Is Most Compatible With a Black Cat Boyfriend?
Black cat boyfriends may be trendy at the moment, but that definitely doesn’t mean they’re the best match for everyone.
“Communication might require more effort since they’re not as naturally expressive, and if you’re someone who needs constant reassurance or loves really enthusiastic displays of affection, you might feel a bit starved,” says Leadingham. “If you appreciate the slow burn and don’t mind doing some of the emotional heavy lifting early on, a black cat boyfriend can be amazing. But if you need someone more openly affectionate and communicative right from the start, it might feel frustrating.”
Thus, the best partner for a black cat boyfriend is typically “someone who’s secure in themselves and doesn’t need constant validation or attention,” says Leadingham.
Unfortunately, all that black cat mystery and withheld affection can often be catnip (pun intended) for the exact opposite kind of person. “I often see people with anxious attachment drawn to these dynamics, and that’s where things can get messy,” says Herzog. “If you’re someone who needs frequent reassurance, clear communication, or tends to overthink your partner’s behavior, a black cat boyfriend might trigger more anxiety than joy.”
At the end of the day, you might say a black cat boyfriend is a bit of an acquired taste.
“Not everyone has the patience for a cat,” says Lee. “There’s a reason dogs are the world’s favorite pet: their love is open, immediate, and easy to read. Cats—and black cat boyfriends—ask more of us. They require time, attentiveness, and faith in the quiet signs. For the right person, though, that kind of love feels rare, steady, and worth holding onto.”
