What’s a Sub Collar in BDSM?

Remember last month when Sabrina Carpenter dropped the provocative art for her forthcoming album, “Man’s Best Friend,” and chaos ensued? Of course you do. And remember how the second slide of the Instagram post that launched a thousand strains of internet discourse featured a close-up of a dog collar with the name of the album on a heart-shaped tag? For those less attuned to the kinky subtext, that wasn’t just a continuation of the whole canine theme; it was also a cheeky nod to the sub collars worn by submissive partners in the kind of BDSM dynamics Sabrina models (and/or arguably satirizes) in the album art.

“A sub collar is a piece of jewelry or an actual collar that symbolizes ownership within a BDSM relationship,” says sex coach Amanda Dames, aka The Kink Consultant. Depending on the dynamic, a submissive partner may wear their collar 24/7 or only during kinky play with their Dom.

While these collars have always been popular within the kink community, I suspect they may be about to break into the mainstream in a big way thanks to Sabrina’s influence. So if you’ve found yourself suddenly collar-curious, here’s a little 101 guide to the kinky sexcessory you’re about to see everywhere—plus a few picks for your shopping cart, if you’re so inclined.

A Quick Peak at a Few of Our Favorite Collars

Bondage Boutique Soft Leather Choker

$40 at Lovehoney

Bijoux Indiscrets Maze Single Choker

Now 15% Off

~~$35~~ $30 at Babeland

UPKO Customizable Nameplate Choker

$92 at UPKO

Read on for an expert-backed rundown of everything you need to know before donning your first sub collar.

What Is a Sub Collar and What Does It Represent?

As Dames explained above, a sub collar is a collar (or sometimes a necklace) worn by a submissive partner as a symbol of their submission within a BDSM context. The meaning and level of commitment a sub collar represents can vary significantly from one Dom/sub pairing to the next. For some, it’s a sexy plaything donned during kinky sex scenes, while for others it’s worn full-time as part of a 24/7 Dom/sub relationship and can signify a commitment “as serious (if not more serious) than the commitment of marriage,” says sex coach and kink educator Julieta Chiara. “A sub collar can hold many meanings, but it’s basically the BDSM version of a promise ring. It’s a symbol of ownership, devotion, or commitment between a Dominant and a submissive.”

Sub collars may be worn in many kinds of kink play, but are particularly popular within ownership kinks and bondage. “During sex, a collar can be a power trip in the best way. It reminds the submissive of their role and heightens the dynamic,” Chiara explains.

There are many different types and styles of sub collars, and the kind any given sub wears may depend on both personal taste and the vibe of the dynamic. There are leather collars with O rings or rhinestone accents, collars with leashes attached (often used in Master/pet play), chokers that spell out a Dom’s name or kinky pet names or phrases, delicate necklaces designed for discreet everyday wear (often called “day collars”), and really anything else you can think of.

“There are so many options for what a collar can be and where it can be worn, but the symbolism is the same: the sub wearing a collar belongs to someone, whether it’s all the time or just during a scene,” adds Dames.

It’s important to note, of course, that a sub collar is worn as part of consensual kink dynamics and does not signify ownership or subservience in a legal or political sense. You cannot actually “own” a person! For some collar-donning subs (like, ahem, this one), their sexual submission may even function as a kinky subversion of political and societal modes of thought that uphold subservience and oppression within patriarchal systems of power. (Not that it has to be that deep!)

Can You Buy Yourself a Sub Collar?

Short answer: “You can absolutely buy yourself a sub collar,” says Chiara. Traditionally, sub collars are often presented to a sub by a Dom in a kind of “kinky commitment ceremony,” she explains. But at its heart, kink is really all about deviating from the norm. “Don’t let tradition box you in,” adds Chiara. “Your kink, your rules.”

And while the act of being collared by a Dom is often thought of as an emotional milestone symbolizing a new level of commitment between D/s partners, Dames notes that self-collaring is becoming more common—and can be just as meaningful.

“Collaring yourself can be a powerful ritual of self-ownership, intention, or even preparation for a future dynamic,” says Chiara. “Whether you buy it for yourself or it’s lovingly gifted and locked by someone else, what matters is the meaning you assign to it.”

Ultimately, whether you’re interested in adding a collar to your pleasure chest as a kinky sexcessory that makes you feel sexy in bed or want to invest in one as a symbol of self-commitment, there’s no wrong reason to get one. And whether you’re shopping for yourself or dropping this link to your Dom as a hint, here are a few recommendations.