Cazzie David has made a career out of saying the quiet parts out loud. Or, rather...writing them down. While the rest of us were busy pretending not to refresh our ex’s Instagram Stories (again), Cazzie was turning anxiety and digital-age dread into razor-sharp comedic essays that manage to feel both painfully specific and universally devastating. Her work lives at the intersection of self-awareness and self-sabotage—witty, neurotic, and deeply fluent in the language of modern malaise.
At 31, Cazzie is the definition of a multi-hyphenate It Girl: actor, screenwriter, director, and New York Times best-selling author. (Casual.) She wrote, directed, and starred in 2024’s I Love You Forever because doing just one thing well isn’t enough. And while, yes, she’s the daughter of Seinfeld cocreator and Curb Your Enthusiasm creator Larry David, she’s long since carved out a voice that’s unmistakably her own—one built on books, web series, and performances that turn social angst into an art form.
Longtime fans first fell in love with her in Eighty-Sixed, the 2017 web series she cocreated, wrote, and starred in about a socially awkward, social-media-obsessed millennial (a character study that felt less like fiction and more like a mirror). Since then, she’s popped up everywhere from Netflix’s The Umbrella Academy to the pages of her own best-selling essay collections—most recently Delusions: Of Grandeur, of Romance, of Progress, out now.
Naturally, someone this self-aware, funny, and allergic to pretense had to take our iconic Cosmo Quiz. So we asked, she answered, and—no surprise—she delivered responses that are just unhinged enough to feel comforting. Without further ado, here are her singular responses.
Sun/Moon/Rising Sign:
Hometown:
Pacific Palisades
Favorite app:
Notes app because it ruins my life the least. Also Merlin Bird ID.
My Uber rating is:
Like most people pleasers, I would be shocked and dismayed if it was under 5. I’d wander around, despondent, for days, wondering “where did I go wrong?”
My last Seamless/Grubhub/Doordash/UberEats order:
Culture fro-yo in NYC
My phone background is:
A pic of deer I took
My phone case is:
Clear
Never have I ever…
The last time I cried was:
My all-time favorite concert was:
Ultrasound Lorde
A pickup line that’s worked for me:
Not having my regular personality
A pickup line that’s worked on me:
Talking shit about the current situation
The biggest red flag in a romantic partner is:
Best relationship advice:
Read Attached.
Worst relationship advice:
Read Delusions.
Most strongly held yet unpopular opinion:
Secret I’ve kept for too long:
I will keep everyone’s secrets forever but mine, which I will volunteer up to pretty much anyone solely to entertain them, as if it’s worse for an acquaintance to be bored for a single moment than for me to suffer a year of anxiety.
My friends know I’m in a bad mood if:
I’m letting out intermittent groans followed by the word “help.”
My friends know I’m in a good mood if:
I’m not letting out intermittent groans followed by the word “help.”
The game show/reality show I’d absolutely win:
One book I can read over and over again:
The Count of Monte Cristo
Last book I read:
Miss May Does Not Exist
Dream dinner-party guests:
Styled by Jessica Neises. Hair by Anthony Campbell for Rōz. Makeup by Carolina Dali at The Wall Group.
