There are few days of the year when the divide between singles and the happily coupled is more pronounced than Valentine’s Day. But for some, there is what we might call a secret third option: having more than one Valentine on February 14th. Yes, I’m talking about those in polyamorous relationships. To the seemingly forever-single among us, having oh so many lovers to choose from on V-Day may seem like an enviable non-issue. But sometimes more partners really does = more problems!

“If, for example, one partner thinks they’re getting dinner with you on Valentine’s Day itself, only to learn they are not, they will be upset,” says Grindr’s sex and relationship expert, Zachary Zane. “If a partner thinks they are sleeping over, but you actually intend on seeing another partner after your V-Day dinner, again, this will cause trouble.”

Hence why, if you happen to find yourself in a polyamorous relationship this Valentine’s Day, you may want to plan ahead. As is the case in all relationships—especially non-monogamous ones—that means communication is paramount.

“Speak to all your partners well before Valentine’s Day in order to manage expectations and plan celebrations,” Zane advises. “Unmet expectations and needs are a recipe for disaster, so plan ahead.”

Additionally, remember that there’s no rule that says you need to celebrate on February 14th itself. Zane notes that it’s totally fine to extend your Valentine’s Day plans across multiple days in order to celebrate with multiple partners—again, as long as you communicate with everyone about those plans first.

If this is your first polyamorous Valentine’s Day and you’re looking for real-life tips and inspiration from poly people, you’re in luck. We asked five folks in ethically non-monogamous relationships how they spread the love on the big day.

How 5 Real Polyamorous People Celebrate Valentine’s Day

  • Emily, 27, says she’s not set on celebrating Valentine’s Day on the day itself. She plans to see a Valentine’s Day–themed show on the 14th with her primary partner, then celebrate with “some sort of cute date” with her newest partner the following day. “It’ll be an activity but not exclusively a Valentine’s activity. I probably will get them a card or candy or something since they recently got me cute socks with my dog’s face on them.”
  • Griffin*, 30, has been married for five years and dating his partner for seven months. For his first Valentine’s Day with his new partner, they’re planning a romantic getaway outside their city. “We’re going to be hanging out for the weekend, exploring the town, and seeing what there is to see!” Griffin adds that he and his spouse don’t usually do a lot for Valentine’s Day because their dating anniversary is just a few weeks before.
  • “What I’m really excited about this year is that I am extremely fortunate to have a wonderful polycule,” says Amber, 32. “We all get along fantastically well and enjoy spending time with one another. It feels really special. To celebrate Valentine’s Day, we’re getting couples massages together, then cooking a big dinner.”
  • “I’m going to be spending the day at the beach with my girlfriend, and then I’ll go to my boyfriend’s house and he’s going to cook me dinner,” says Hannah Rose, 26.
  • Jeffrey, 34, says Valentine’s Day has caused them a lot of anxiety in the past: “I often put a lot of pressure on it and worry that I’m not going to do enough and I’m not going to make it important enough.” Early in their non-monogamous relationships, Jeffrey says they felt “a worry or pressure about who to spend it with.” Fortunately, Jeffrey’s anxiety has dissipated now—largely because their two primary partners don’t really care about the holiday! “Cooking is one of my biggest love languages, so often we’ll make some kind of big special meal together.”

*Name has been changed.