This week, amid the firestorm of coverage surrounding Zohran Mamdani’s historic election, a story about his wife managed to cut through all the noise. Mamdani, 34, just became New York City’s first millennial, first Muslim, and first South Asian mayor. Yet it was this New York Post headline about his wife, Rama Duwaji, that truly captured my timeline’s attention.
Duwaji, a 28-year-old animator who met Mamdani on Hinge in 2021, was labeled “aloof” by the New York Post. That conclusion was made based on reports that she took a backseat during her husband’s public appearances, but “quietly steered his campaign from behind the scenes.” The Houston native did opt out of photo ops and baby kissing out on the trail, but she reportedly helped mastermind the campaign’s visual identity and acted as a key consultant to help boost her husband’s highly lauded digital and social presence. (If she suggested the viral Subway Takes appearance, I believe that he’s forever indebted to her.)
The reason she’s been branded “aloof” has more to do with her own social media presence. Scroll through Rama’s Instagram and you’ll find it's largely dedicated to her art, personal style, and political views—with only the occasional, subtle nod to her husband's existence tucked inside a carousel or two.
She is far removed from most First Ladies of yesteryear, whose public personas existed largely as extensions of their powerful partners. It may not be a conscious effort, but Rama’s online presence resists that fate. And her dynamic with Zohran—where he openly praises her emphatically and often while she remains low-key—has been well-received online. This whole “aloof” descriptor might’ve just offered a loose framework for what a happy, balanced straight relationship can look like in a society that's increasingly skeptical of them.
Because, in case you’ve missed it: boyfriends, husbands, and all the undefined male situationships in between are in the middle of a PR crisis (as British Vogue pointed out last week). Thanks to gender inequities that’ve always existed and growing fatigue with traditional relationship structures, there’s an acceptance spreading that straight relationships leave women more emotionally vulnerable than fulfilled, and “heteropessimism” has become the overwhelming sentimentality online. On social media, straight relationships are being framed as humiliation rituals for women—and endless feedback loops of disappointing personal anecdotes are reinforcing the idea that for straight women, single life is optimal, and safer.
Within that conversation, “boyfriend girls” have become a particular object of fascination and pity (and yet another ripe source for heteropessimism). These are the women who allow themselves to be consumed and overshadowed by their male partners, unfair as that dynamic may be. They’re the very antithesis of the “aloof wife,” if you want to get technical.
If you had to choose an experience (which we all technically have the freedom to do…), the aloof wife life seems obviously like the more satisfactory option. Why subject yourself to a relationship that leaves you begging for acknowledgement when you could opt for a partner who celebrates your every move and leaves adorable comments under everything you post? (As Zohran's been known to do.) Which is why you’ll find plenty of people online fawning over Rama’s setup. Having a partner may not be the prize, but carving out your own identity in such close proximity to the most-discussed man of the hour (who just so happens to loudly fan out over you) is a crowning achievement. It's a prime position to be in, one worthy of viral jealous reactions and Bridgerton comparisons!
There’s actually never been a more welcome moment for aloof wife behavior. While “heteropessimism” may be the moment's choice buzzword, supportive, optimistic, and considerate male partners haven’t gone extinct. If Zohran and Rama’s love story becomes this week’s source of hetero-optimism, I think we should welcome the timeline's overomanticization of their love. Lord knows we're in dire need of some hope.
