There’s really no two ways about it: Masturbation is great. Not only is it a good time, but it also packs tons of perks beyond just getting off, from mood-boosting benefits to enhancing your partnered sex life by giving you the space to explore what you like and don’t like on your own.
Unfortunately, masturbation has a long history of being taboo—especially for women and people with vulvas. “Enjoying sexual pleasure in our own bodies as women has long been a stigmatized practice,” says sex and intimacy coach Irene Fehr. “For a long time, women’s sexual pleasure has been seen as something that we give to a partner rather than something that we enjoy for ourselves.” This hush-hush nature surrounding female/non-penis-having masturbation combined with a lack of sex education leaves many women and AFAB people afraid or unsure of how to masturbate, either out of shame, lack of knowledge, or both.
So if you’re new to masturbation and aren’t entirely sure how to go about it, know that that’s completely normal—and that you’ve come to the right place. Whether you’re brand new to solo sex or are just looking to enhance your self-pleasure game, these expert tips will help you figure out how to masturbate in the best way for you. (Because, spoiler alert, there’s no one right way to do it—which is all part of the fun.) While some of these tips are intended specifically for women and people with vulvas, many of them can be incorporated into solo sex for people of all genders.
Below, we’ve rounded up tips from the experts to create a comprehensive guide to masturbating. These expert-approved masturbation tips will have you harnessing the power of solo sex in no time.
1. Start With Your Clitoris
Many vulva-havers primarily experience pleasure and orgasm through clitoral stimulation. So if you’re new to masturbation, the clit is a great place to start.
Lovehoney’s bondage and fetish expert Jess Wilde recommends starting with circular motions around the clitoris. Start lightly and add more pressure if you want until you figure out what you feels best for you. You should also pay attention to where on your clit feels most sensitive. For many people, the bottom left of the clitoris tends to be a particularly pleasurable spot.
If direct clitoral stimulation feels like too much, try running your fingers along your inner labia and the sides of your clitoris, all the way down toward the entrance of your vagina. You can also try touching yourself over a sheet or other thin fabric to reduce the intensity if needed. (For more info, check out these tips for clitoral stimulation.)
2. Try Incorporating Internal Stimulation
Some people with vaginas don’t use penetration at all when they’re masturbating, but if you want to give it a shot, try slowly moving your fingers in and out of your vagina while you continue to play with your clitoris. Babeland co-founder Rachel Venning recommends this starter move: “Slide a finger between your lips to open things up, and then get a little lube on your fingertips. Slide your fingers back and forth from your vaginal opening to your clit. Don’t go inside yet, just tease yourself a bit. Try a stroke that is one finger at a time and then slide a couple of fingers into your vagina, curling them slightly. Slide them in and out.”
You can also try experimenting with penetrative sex toys like G-spot vibrators, or dual-stimulation toys like rabbit vibrators if you find you enjoy clitoral and internal stimulation at the same time.
3. Try Hands-Free Humping
While some people like to masturbate with their hands and/or toys, others might enjoy directly humping an object.
“Find something soft like a pillow or a stuffed animal,” recommends orgasm equality blogger Trisha Borowicz. “Lie facedown with your vulva on top of it, slowly grinding your hips down against it. Adjust the pressure, your position, and the shape of the object until it feels really good. Once you get to that point, keep your rhythm consistent, take some deep breaths, and ride straight to orgasm.”
4. Switch Positions
Some people like to lie on their backs while they masturbate, while others may prefer to lie face down and grind on an object, and still others might find they prefer a totally different position. Try moving around and masturbating in different positions to figure out what works best for you. Sit up on your knees and press your clitoris up against a vibrator, try moving your body into doggy, or experiment with masturbating standing up in the shower.
5. Use Sex Toys
You don’t need sex toys to masturbate, but they can definitely enhance the experience and some people may find they make it easier to reach orgasm. There’s a wide variety of different kinds of vibrators you can experiment with depending on what kind of stimulation you prefer, from wands and clit-sucking vibrators to internal G-spot vibrators and dual-stimulation toys like rabbit vibrators. If you’re brand new to the sex toy game and aren’t sure what you want yet, here’s a list of the best vibrators for beginners.
6. Experiment With Different Erogenous Zones
Masturbation isn’t all about the genitals, so don’t be afraid to explore the rest of your body. “Caress yourself with one hand while the other one ison the clitoris,” says sex educator Florence Barkway. “Touching certain parts of the body can make your orgasms even more intense.”
Carol Queen, PhD, co-author of The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone, recommends bringing nipple stimulation into masturbation or grabbing your butt or upper thighs to see what feels good.
7. Don’t Make Orgasm the Goal
Sometimes the more you want to have an orgasm, the harder it is to actually have one. This is why sex coach Myisha Battle suggests not putting pressure on having an orgasm. “Some people orgasm during masturbation and others don’t—or they may experience orgasm more sporadically,” explains Battle. “Physically, you will get the same benefits from masturbation—like stress reduction and the production of feel-good hormones like dopamine—just from self-pleasure alone, even without orgasm.” And by eliminating some of the pressure and just enjoying the experience, you actually have a better chance of actually getting off.
Plus, focusing less on orgasm and more on your body can be a learning experience. “By removing the goal of orgasm and focusing on slowing down and exploring sensual touch, you learn about your body’s responses—what feels good, how your body responds to different kinds of touch, and what your body craves more of,” says Fehr.
8. Take Your Time and Practice Regularly
It may take a while to get the hang of masturbating, and that’s totally normal! Doing it more often can help you get to know your body better. That said, don’t pressure yourself to stick to a masturbation schedule if it’s starting to feel stressful or frustrating. Remember, masturbation should feel good.
9. Use Lube
Lube makes every type of sex—including solo sex—way better. Sex and relationship educator Kate Kenfield recommends putting a quarter-size amount of it onto your index and middle fingers and gently massaging it around your clitoris and inner labia (the folds inside the larger folds that make up most of your vulva).
Granted, you might have enough natural vaginal lubrication to start with, but if you can’t or aren’t getting wet, extra lube will make things more comfortable. Honestly, even if you are producing natural lubrication, it’s worth adding a little extra to see if it enhances the experience.
10. Try Arousal Lube
There are a lot of different types of lube out there, and as you’re exploring the options, consider experimenting with arousal gels that can give your labia a tingly, warming, buzzing, or cooling sensation. Sex therapist Sari Cooper says arousal gels and lubes enhance pleasure thanks to ingredients like menthol and CBD. These often promote blood flow and ease body tension.
Copper adds that before using any type of lube, you need to check the ingredients. If you’re using a vibrator or dildo, it’s best to stick with water-based lubes since silicone and oil can actually break down sex toys.
11. Arouse Your Mind
Getting in the right headspace is crucial. This is because sex—and all the good stuff that comes with it—actually starts in your brain. “It takes about 20-30 minutes of mental arousal for the blood flow to the genitals to increase,” Allison Hill, MD, OBGYN, previously told Cosmopolitan. Reading erotica, scrolling through old sexy texts, or fantasizing can help get you in the mood.
12. Focus on Your Breathing
Breathing is absolutely essential to experiencing the full breadth of pleasure. Focusing on your breath can help you get out of your head and stay present in your body. Take deep breaths, holding your breath for 10 seconds at a time, then releasing the breath into the space around you. Close your eyes and zero in on what you’re feeling instead of what’s going on around you. This will allow you to hone in on the sensations in your body.
13. Create a Relaxed and Comfortable Environment
“Many women struggle with staying present with the process and body, and instead get distracted by their to-do list and whatever is pulling them in all other directions,” says Fehr. That’s why taking a few minutes to tidy up your space is essential.
In fact, Cooper says she typically asks her clients to describe the physical spaces and places where sexual activities happen to see if clutter is causing issues with arousal and being present. “Eroticism is about an escape to a place of pleasurable adventure, and in order to prepare your mind/body, it’s critical to put away the inhibitors to sexual excitement,” she explains. “For many folks, a high level of stress or anxiety around what hasn’t been done keeps their bodies too clenched and less open to pleasure.”
14. Watch Something Sexy
Humans are visual creatures, which is why so many of us lean toward porn when trying to get in the mood. Cooper explains that watching sexually explicit media helps the mind (which, remember, is the strongest erotic muscle) journey to sensual places we might never actually experience. But before you just Google any random site, Cooper suggests seeking out ethical porn that pays its performers equitably and abides by non-coercion policies.
If porn feels a bit much, there are tons of sexy shows and movies on Netflix you can stream. Fast-forward to the hottest scenes or simply watch from the start for the ultimate slow-burn.
15. Or Listen to Something Sexy
If watching porn isn’t for you, lean into your auditory sense instead. Audio porn includes everything from recordings of real sexual activity (like moans, pants, and dirty talk) to voice actors literally acting out a sex scene that you can listen to. Either way, these sounds are fantastic masturbation enhancers.
16. Read Erotica
There’s a reason smut is so in right now! “While some people are more visual by watching imagery, others would rather read a story and fill in the gaps with their own imagination,” Cooper says. “Erotica is for those folks who take great pleasure in creating vivid fantasies.”
What makes erotica so great is it’s such a classic (and currently quite hot) genre, so the sexy book options are pretty much endless. Any kink you could imagine can be indulged in book form, which gives you so many fantasy options. Plus, it’s silent, which is great if you have roommates on the other side of the wall.
17. Try a Masturbation Playlist
Finding or creating the perfect masturbation playlist can help get you in the mood. “Music is a way some people who are more sensitive to sound can become relaxed, get turned on, and get in contact with their sexual selves as part of the self-pleasuring experience,” Cooper explains.
18. Watch Yourself
Watching yourself masturbate in a mirror can be extremely hot, and it can also help you get a better perspective on where and how you like to be touched.
19. Masturbate With Your Partner
If you really want to take things to the next level, masturbate in front of your partner. Yes, masturbation is typically thought of as a solo act, “but adding a partner into the mix can be even more exhilarating,” sex educator Linnea Marie.
Not only can this be super hot for everyone involved, but it can also be downright educational. Watching you touch yourself can help your partner gain insight into the ways you like to be touched—information they can put to use during your next partnered sex session.
20. Experiment with Edging
Edging is the process of repeatedly bringing yourself close to orgasm without actually reaching it, with the intention of ultimately building to a more intense climax. In addition to bigger orgasms, this practice can also help you experience pleasure more mindfully.
21. Experiment With Anal Stimulation
If you’re curious about butt stuff, there’s really no better way to experiment than during masturbation. You can try everything from circling your anus with a lubed finger and then slowly working your way in to experimenting with butt plugs. Start with a small plug about the size of your finger. Vibrating plugs can add more sensation than you could give yourself manually, or you can try a weighted plug that helps you achieve a feeling of fullness.
Just remember: Safety first. “With anal play, there are additional things to consider to make it safe and pleasurable,” says Fehr. “Use lube. Do not force entry and go slowly. And practice various relaxation techniques that work for you to relax and even get aroused before attempting entry to avoid tearing. Lastly, be sure to wash hands between anal and vaginal play to avoid the transfer of bacteria.” (And remember: Toys with flared bases only!)
22. Explore Guided Masturbation
Similar to audio porn, guided masturbation is all about listening to audio stimuli and connecting with your own body. Audio-porn app Dipsea literally has instructions and suggestions on how to touch yourself. These recordings are both informative and very hot.
23. Try a Masturbation Workshop
If you’re more of a “learn by doing” kind of person, there are classes out there designed to help you learn more about your body and how to masturbate.
“Working with a trained coach is a powerful way to learn to masturbate in a safe setting,” says Fehr. “Many women don’t feel safe with themselves to explore their own body due to past traumas or patterns of disassociation. Getting support from a professional who can help you go at a pace that feels safe and productive is really important to opening up sexually with yourself.”
Allbodies classes outline everything from pleasure anatomy, to arousal, to sexual response, and also include activities and peer-to-peer guidance and support. If you’re looking for help to break through whatever is hindering your orgasm, take virtual courses from experts Tyomi Morgan and Kenneth Play or search Google for nearby sex therapy workshop classes. Fehr also recommends the OMGYes website, calling it a “revolutionary resource.”
